Let Them Play — Why Giving Young Players Space Helps Them Grow

We’re passionate about developing players who are not only skillful and smart on the field but also confident, independent young people off it. That kind of growth doesn’t come from doing everything for them, it comes from giving them space to figure things out for themselves.

1. The Parenting Styles That Can Get in the Way

Everyone wants what’s best for their children. That’s what makes helicopter parenting (hovering closely) and lawnmower parenting (clearing every obstacle) so common, and so understandable. But in youth football, these approaches can unintentionally limit growth. When adults constantly correct, advise, or intervene, they take away key moments where players can learn through trial and error, solve problems, and feel the pride of figuring things out themselves. Mistakes are teachers. Discomfort is growth. Independence is the goal. Research in youth sport has shown that when parents overemphasize winning or frequently criticise performances, young athletes can feel excessive pressure, develop anxiety, and begin to fear failure. Conversely, when parents focus on encouragement, emotional support, and understanding, players tend to enjoy their sport more, feel more confident, and stay involved for longer. In short, positive support fuels intrinsic motivation, the inner drive to play and improve because they love it, not because they feel they have to. (Based on findings from Bois et al., 2009; Leff & Hoyle, 1995; Sagar & Lavallee, 2010; Power & Woolger, 1994.)

2. “Carry Your Own Bag”

We use this phrase a lot around the club. It says so much in just four words. Yes, it’s about remembering boots and water bottles, but it’s also about taking ownership of your effort, attitude, and preparation. When players literally and figuratively carry their own bag, they start to take responsibility for their journey. They learn that success isn’t handed to them, it’s something they organize, plan, and earn.

3. Give Them Distance — Literally

One of the simplest, most powerful ways parents can support is by giving physical space at training sessions. Stand back. Let them go. When parents sit right on top of the practice, just a few feet from the activities, kids constantly sense that presence. Even if you’re silent, they know you’re watching. And as Abby Wambach (USWNT legend) recently said:

“When we watch every practice, our kids stop playing for themselves and start playing for us. Their motivation becomes external, not internal.”

If we want confident, self-driven players, they need to feel trusted to work, learn, and even struggle without constant observation. So next time at training, try standing a bit further away, or even waiting in the car. Trust the coaches to coach. Let the players own their hour on the field.

Interestingly, research supports what many of us see at practice every week. Studies show that while young athletes appreciate support, they often prefer a little distance. In one study on youth sport experiences, players described certain types of parental presence as “stressful” or “distracting,” even when parents were simply trying to help. Giving players space helps them focus on their coaches, teammates, and their own decisions, key ingredients in developing independence and enjoyment of the game. (Source: PMC, 2021; Bois et al., 2009.)

4. Let Them Join Their Group — Don’t Take Away Their Social Time

Before every session, there’s a magic five or so minutes when players arrive, drop their bags, and start to reconnect - joking, juggling, passing, laughing. That’s not wasted time; that’s bonding, belonging, and confidence-building. Too often, well-meaning parents pull their child aside before practice to “go over” a skill, fix a technique, or talk through tactics. But when that happens, the player misses out on something crucial: the social rhythm of the team. When kids arrive at training, let them go. Let them run to their friends, get touches on the ball, and be part of the group. That’s how they integrate. That’s how they feel ownership of their place in the team. The pre-practice chat doesn’t need to be a mini-coaching session. A simple “Have fun tonight” sends a much more powerful message.

5. How Parents Can Help (Without Doing Too Much)

Here are a few simple ways to build independence and internal motivation, without losing your vital support:

• Encourage your player to pack and check their own gear.

• Give them space at practice, watch from a distance, or skip a session now and then.

• Let them connect with teammates before training, don’t interrupt that social energy.

• Focus on effort and attitude, not just results: “I loved how hard you worked today.”

• After practice, ask open questions: “What did you learn?” or “What was fun?” instead of “Did you do what coach said?”

6. Growing Independence, Together

At New Frontier, we’re not just developing footballers, we’re helping young people grow into capable, independent adults. That growth takes time, space, and trust. When we let them carry their own bag, give them a few extra yards of space, and allow them to laugh and learn with their friends before training, we’re doing more than supporting their football journey. We’re preparing them for life.

Challenge for the Week:
Parents, this week, try standing further back at training.
Players, this week, carry your own bag, greet your teammates first, and take charge of your warm-up.